Caught Up With Complaining Co-Workers

We all have them--complaining co-workers. We see them every morning, exchange pleasantries, check with one another on various facts and issues, and very often we listen to them drone on and on about whatever injustice has currently victimized them. I'm sure we are all guilty to an extent of doing some complaining at work--(this blog is full of complaints!). But listening to chronic, intense complaining is exhausting, draining, and detrimental.
Maybe you have to sit in the cubicle next to these complainers or work together at a counter or receptionist's desk. How do you get through the 8 hour (or more) workday without covering your ears and running out the door? There is no perfect answer, but there are some tactics that can be used to at least reduce the amount of time that you hear the droning. We all have different work dynamics, some of us have our own desk areas, some have to work together in a tiny little room facing each other all day. If you are in the tiny little room crowd, there is not much that can be done beyond forcing yourself to zone out. In some workplaces, if you are not on the front lines of customer service, the boss may not mind if you listen to an iPod while sitting at your computer--this would immediately solve your problem. For the rest of us, we will never completely escape the waves of complaining unless we search for employment elsewhere (and then there will be a whole new crop of culprits to contend with.)
I have discovered that if you are in a position to walk away from a group of complainers and return to your own work area, that this is the best strategy. If the complaining reaches your limit you can say, "please excuse me, I just realized I forgot to send an important e-mail." The group will barely notice that you ducked out because they are basking in complaining and will not be fazed by your departure.
If you are trapped with the complainers, your best bet is to figure out a way to tolerate it and/or change the subject in between your breaks. Keep yourself busy and focused and don't feed into their complaining by giving them more material with which to work. If all they get from you is "yes I understand what you are saying" or "I can see why that bothered you" then you are not adding fuel to the flames of their complaints. It is also best to try and change subject as often as possible. Keep your conversation starters positive, even if it is about things as mundane as pleasant weather. If the complaining reaches points that make you uncomfortable, a blank look and shrug of the shoulders with a "I know, it's par for the course, what can ya do" while you look back at your computer screen can help the complaining stall out.
The most important thing is that you take care of yourself in these dynamics. Take every break to which you are entitled in its entirety. Try to eat lunch OUT of the office and if you eat in a lunch room, try to seat yourself away from the complainers. These chunks of time away from those that are draining you are very important as they will give you the energy you need to be in their company for the other hours of your shift.
Obviously if issues with co-workers reach a level that is intolerable or harassing, it is time to speak with your supervisor or human resources. It is the job of those in charge to set the tone and mood for a workplace environment, including discouraging too much idle chit chat, which is the breeding ground for complaining.

Guys Giving Guilt

If a guy tells you that he is upset that you cannot visit him one weekend, yet he never makes the effort to get in his car/catch a train to see you--guess what---HE'S NOT THAT UPSET. Maybe he is annoyed that he will have to find another girl to keep him occupied that weekend, but if this same individual has not bothered to call you daily, find a way to travel 3-5 hours to see you, and has not asked you to go steady (haha) then this guy is not that devastated that you got sick and cannot visit him. Anyway, Do you really feel like visiting a guy who is more upset that you screwed up his weekend plans than over the fact that you are ill?
Girls need to stop believing that their inability to fall all over a guy one weekend/night/afternoon because of unforeseen circumstances (illness, family death, natural disaster) is the reason that he won't commit to them. If you find yourself practically begging a guy to be your boyfriend, checking your phone 35 times in case the call somehow went right to voicemail because you went through a bad cell phone zone, or apologizing to him on a regular basis because you were not completely available to him, then you need a reality check.
When a guy is really interested in you, there is nothing for you to wonder about. You will not obsessively stare at your phone because it actually will ring once a day, with his voice on the other end. He will tell you that he likes you, and he will never EVER be too busy to at least send you a "hello" text or call to make plans for the upcoming weekend. Think of how many times a day in your busy life you manage to send an email or a text or a facebook message. Who in the world is so busy that they cannot manage to eek out a message to a girl that they think they may fall in love with?!!!!

Dodging Dopey Questions

Have you ever been at a family gathering and Uncle Bob or Grandpa Joe says "so when you gettin' a job?" even though you have told each of them fifteen times that you are in school, student teaching or been sending out resumes? It's always fun when Aunt Wendy reminds you that you aren't married. She isn't interested in anything else about your life--couldn't tell you where you work, the name of your best friend, or what type of books you like to read, yet she feels it is her job to inform you that you are unmarried (in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend). Look, you are not going to change these people. These are their social skills (or lack thereof). They have been wired to move about the room in this way, it builds them up to point out your "weaknesses" and it builds them up to feel like they are working the crowd, spewing acidic jokes and putting you in your place. We all have fantasies of slamming down our soda can, standing up and saying "look Grandpa Joe, it is really rude and insulting for you to ask that question, why don't you try getting to know something else about me?!" But, there are repercussions for an outburst like this. Perhaps you have a really good relationship with Uncle Bob's wife (your aunt) or Aunt Wendy's daughter (your cousin) and to scream at this individual will now possibly sour the more cherished relationship. The adult, and more difficult route is either to answer the question with a question:
Grandpa Joe: "When ya gettin' a job?"
You: "How's your job [golf game, wine tasting] going Grandpa?"
or with a quick answer and jump to a new topic: "I'm working on it. I saw a great movie the other night..."
While the urge to "tell off" a relative who uses you as the butt of a joke or who consistently finds a sensitive topic to "jab" you with, think about relatives that do not receive these questions. Observe their demeanor at family gatherings. Is there a reason that they seem immune to Grandpa Joe's questioning? Perhaps they emote a strong confidence that Uncle Bob knows he can't break through. Maybe he knows he won't get a reaction out of them, so he doesn't bother. The only thing you can control is how you handle the barbs. Be clever, yet respectful. While they are disrespecting you, do not bring yourself down to that level. If none of that works, just wrap up the interaction asap and make sure you seat yourself away from these individuals for the rest of the evening.

Your Child is Not Cute

Okay, okay I'm being extreme. Your child is just not cute when he or she is misbehaving and you watch in awe. I'm not talking about an isolated outburst or behavior that the parents are at least trying to correct. I'm talking about blatant obnoxious behavior that is totally ignored by the equally obnoxious parents. Those around you do not find it adorable. During a recent dinner with a friend whom I had not seen in months, a couple, their son, and their grandson were seated across the small restaurant. It's a pizzeria restaurant, nothing fancy, but still a place that you expect to enjoy a nice Italian meal. The child, about 3 years old, decided to use his fork and knife as drumsticks and proceeded to clank his Snapple bottle and bread plate. The father thanked him for the performance and told him "that's enough." That was the last the father admonished his son (much like the tap dancing incident described in a previous post). The one man band continued numerous times, scraping the knife across the bread plate while the father ate and the grandparents lovingly stared at him. I cringed. I attempted to be patient and focus on my conversation, but the "nails on a blackboard" sounds coming from this table was very difficult to ignore. I glanced over a number of times, making eye contact with the grandmother in the hopes that she would break out of her stupor and tell her offspring's offspring to stop. All that needed to happen in this situation was for the father to take away the fork and knife, but I guess he didn't want to interrupt his own meal in order to do so. Parents, stop ruining other people's meals, manicures, movies, etc because you cannot bring yourself to even attempt to instill good manners in your children. I don't think your child is cute when he is banging utensils for twenty minutes straight. In fact, the only time I find a child cute in a public setting is when he or she is behaving. If they can't handle a restaurant, nail salon, movie theater, or Broadway play then get a babysitter or stay home.

Tap Dancing on My Nerves

I was very proud of my patience yesterday during a short trip to a local fast food restaurant. My Mom and I walked to the restaurant and got on line behind a father and his 7 year old tap shoe wearing daughter. I could sense immediately that we would hear tapping in our ears for the next 10 minutes. Sure enough, she started tapping away. The father told her to stop but it continued. He had every opportunity to tell her to knock it off, but he did not. She then proceeded to whine and cry that she wanted to leave and acted like a spoiled brat. Normally I would have huffed and puffed and been ready to walk out of the place. But, I concentrated on other things--reading the menu signs and chatting with my Mom. I left feeling calm and not even frazzled. This was a nice change for me! Sometimes, if I just realize that tomorrow the tap shoe incident will be long behind me, I can get through the most annoying of situations. The father was at fault for not putting a stop to it. I don't understand why parents sometimes seem to have an initial understanding that their child may be disruptive(as he did tell her to stop when they first came in) but then seem comfortable just letting it continue. Perhaps it is fear of creating a bigger scene, laziness, or fear that their children will not like them. Whichever it is, the parent is the source of the problem when they do not stop a child's annoying behavior.